


in love with love

by pangr



Category: NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Love at First Sight, Love not at first sight, i also made playlists, looots of pining, one-sided 6o/21o, one-sided 6o/devola, one-sided 6o/white
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28378740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pangr/pseuds/pangr
Summary: "What is it like to fall in love?" 2B asks her.The funny thing is maybe the feeling of love is so inexplicable but taken for granted 6O barely knows how to begin to describe it. Like describing a shade of red to someone color-blind. But she thinks she can try.
Relationships: 2B/6O (NieR: Automata)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	in love with love

**Author's Note:**

> gift fic for @snailsqueeze for drakenier exchange! this idea kinda ran away with me because i love this pair ahaha... anyway, happy new year!!

She falls in love at first sight in junior high school after walking past the library and catching a glimpse of a girl with elegant blond hair reading a book at the desk by the window. Love at first sight, just like the movies and songs. Love in which her heart skips every second beat and she can only daydream helplessly about piercing blue eyes and slender hands, fantasize about scandalous hidden kisses behind bookshelves. Oh, so this is what love is like. And isn't it lucky that she found it so fast?

"I’m in love, and love is about loving what your lover loves," she tells 2B as she coaxes the other girl into the library after class. 2B tilts her head as if puzzled, as if trying to parse the sentence and her overuse of the word. What can she say? She's lovesick. 6O holds up, with difficulty, a massive novel in her hands. "So that's why I'm going to read her favorite book!"

This may be the logic of a middle schooler, but she thinks her plan is perfect. Her crush 21O seems to be pretty intellectual. What better way to get to know her than to read the same books as her? They can strike up a conversation over literature and grow closer, and then, and then...!

She and 2B are in a different class than 21O, so it's not as if 2B knows her well either. 2B isn't particularly studious or well-read. She's more comfortable with sports than with a book. She searches the shelves for a moment, looking almost lost. 

She and 2B are not exactly polar opposites, but they might be close. It might be chance that they became friends in the first place, being paired up together to care for the garden at school. Honestly, 2B kind of intimidated her at first. She's poised and mature and quietly charismatic. On the other hand 6O likes to talk cheerfully to the plants, admire caterpillars, and fawn over blooming flowers.

But 2B is also beautiful like a flower and, maybe like a bee, 6O was drawn to her. And 2B wasn't annoyed at her chattiness and didn't seem to mind her company at all, and before they knew it 6O took to hanging around her all the time.

2B is her best friend, but 2B is straightforward and blunt and doesn't tend to indulge people if there's no reason for her to. There's nothing keeping 2B from simply leaving and letting 6O read by herself. But after a moment, she selects a book and sits at the table opposite 6O anyway. It occurs to her that she doesn’t actually know what kind of books 2B likes to read.

"What is it like?" 2B asks.

"The book?" The Victor Hugo novel is the same one she saw 21O reading, through the window. And it's huge. Easily more than a thousand pages. 6O heaves a sigh. "Ask me in ten years. Maybe I'll have finished half of it by then!"

"Not that." There's a hint of amusement in 2B's barely-there smile, just for a second. A blink, then it's gone.

"Falling in love."

It distracts her from the novel enough that she simply stares for a moment. Has 2B never been in love before? Admittedly, they're both middle schoolers and most of what she knows about love is from books and shows. The funny thing is maybe the feeling of love is so inexplicable but taken for granted she barely knows how to begin to describe it. Like describing a shade of red to someone color-blind.

But she thinks she can try.

Love is like a glow, she thinks, a warmth and light that practically fills her. The heat in her chest, the skip of her heart. Liking someone so much that it feels like the world is _better_ , just because they’re in it. The sun is just that much brighter. The sound of birdsong is sweeter. Everything about them is wonderful. Even if they like a book, it’s special. _Sometimes I can’t stop thinking about her. Sometimes I think about her and I can’t stop smiling. I feel like I just want to dance. I feel like I can do anything, even read this huge book._ Probably. Hopefully. 

_Because she makes me so happy just to think about her._

She's pretty sure her explanation is overexcited and kind of a mess. But from the pensive look on 2B's face, she hopes some of it comes through.

"Anyway, what kind of book are you reading, 2B? It has to be less of a headache than mine. Show it to me."

"It's an encyclopedia."

"An encyclopedia on... flowers? You're looking at flower gardens? Are you actually getting interested in gardening?"

"Maybe."

"Aw, 2B! We should plant a flower garden together! Somewhere that's not at school. It'll be fun. And _romantic_! I mean, you know, every girl dreams of getting flowers someday."

"Hm." 

She's not sure if 2B looks skeptical or actually thoughtful. 2B is a little mysterious. She barely seems interested in romance at all. But she'd asked about love, so surely 2B had a sense for it too, right? Maybe she'd want to be swept off her feet someday, or maybe she'd be the one doing the sweeping.

6O watches her for a moment. A stray lock of hair, pale like a petal, falls over 2B's face.

"Hey, 2B. If you were a flower, what kind of flower would you be?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"A fun question." Look, she's taking a break from her book, okay?

2B blinks. "I don't know what flower."

She smiles. "I think you're like an orchid. You're a little hard to take care of or get to know, but you're pretty like nothing else."

She reaches out to tuck the wayward strands of hair behind 2B's ear, grins as 2B glances up, startled. It's rare for her to be flustered. But the blush blooming on 2B's cheeks is far too cute to ignore.

"She hates me now," she wails.

She can tell 2B is at a loss, and 2B is very bad at comforting people. Not that she has any proof of that until now. The way 2B is stiff as a board and sweating bullets as 6O cries is clear enough. She practically looks like a deer in headlights. One with a devastated middle school girl sobbing on her and shaking her shoulders.

She can tell 2B is struggling over what to do or say. "What happened?"

Well, let's start with that.

Try as she might, she could not read the Victor Hugo novel. She could barely make heads or tails of it despite her best attempts. Something about that book transformed innocent words into a labyrinth. How did 21O read this? Is she a genius after all? 6O returned to the library to either return it or extend the due date, she wasn't sure which yet, and...

21O was there.

"S-she saw the book and started t-talking to me and I... I froze up! I had no idea what to say! She said it was her favorite book s-s-so I said, me too, I love Less Miserable, and then she... she said that wasn't how it's pronounced... I p-panicked and dropped it and ran out the door..."

"That's not how you pronounce it?"

"Right? I-I couldn't even read the book at all! What was I thinking? I'm such an idiot! S-she... she deserves someone _smarter_ than me, someone who isn't a _failure_ , someone who can speak _french_ —"

2B frowns. In one brisk movement, she finally shrugs off 6O's grasp on her shoulders and takes 6O's wrists in her hands.

"Don't say that."

"Wh... what?"

And then 2B's hands are on her cheeks, forcing her to look into her pale eyes, unblinking.

"Don't say you're a failure, or an idiot."

"But I,"

"You tried to talk to her. You panicked. So what? She doesn't hate you. She's probably surprised you suddenly ran away."

"But I couldn't—"

"She can't hate you for not reading her favorite book. If she does, she's not worth loving."

She can feel her cheeks burn, either with embarrassment or the feeling of 2B's hands on her face. Part of her wants to defend 21O, part of her just wants to fall in a ditch and never come out. To a middle schooler, this kind of embarrassment is far too devastating to recover from.

"Do you still like her?"

 _Yes, but…_

She puts her face in her hands. "She deserves someone smarter than me," she says, muffled.

It's a short lived, bittersweet first love. But it’s tempered with 2B's arms around her in a hesitant embrace, warm and tentative.

She and 2B apply to the same high school. Their grades are about the same level of above-average so, happily, they get in. At the start of the year there’s an event for clubs to recruit freshmen and she browses through hand-in-hand with 2B, though she’s not exactly planning to apply to the same one as her, when 2B is formidably athletic and probably going to be a star player to any sport she would join. She remembers losing track of 2B in the crowd and while trying to find her she hears a sound: the riff of a guitar. And she whirls to see the light music club on a stage and the sight of their frontman, a girl with wildfire red hair and a devil-may-care grin, a microphone in one hand and pick in her other. 

She falls in love at first sight, with the cherry blossoms falling and electric guitar ringing out with the singer’s voice.

With a valiant effort, she doesn't join the light music club that day. She doesn't even play a single instrument after all. It's a tempting idea to join and pick one up, but she's learned a lesson after trying to read Les Miserables so she resists the impulse to do just that. So, instead...

"I'm going to learn more about music," she declares. She and 2B are at a record store. It's the first time she's ever visited a record store in her life and she’s pretty sure it’s the same for 2B. "I can’t play a guitar like her, but I can listen to her favorite artists. Not everyone can read Victor Hugo, but everyone can enjoy music."

2B drifts over to a rack of CDs, picking one up and studying the back of the jewel case. It occurs to 6O that she doesn't actually know what kind of music 2B likes. She makes a mental note to ask her, but right now she needs to do some investigation.

Devola and Popola might be the two most popular girls in their school. Devola especially, though her quieter and studious twin sister also has more than her fair share of fans. If by chance 6O had caught a glimpse of Popola reading a book in her literature club, it’s possible she might just have fallen for her if her heart hadn't learned its lesson with 21O. But she'd heard Devola's song and saw her perform with such fierce and joyful energy, her heart practically caught aflame that day. 

The truth is she didn't really care much about music. She'd listen to pop songs on the radio, she'd check out bands and celebrities her friends are into. But if she really thinks about it, she's not sure if she actually has a musician or genre she really likes. Other than, now, Devola's song. What was it again? Wasn’t it a cover? She doesn’t know the title, but after enthusiastically describing and humming the chorus to the store’s clerk, she sleuths out the singer's identity.

_Oh, take it! Take another little piece of my heart now, baby!_

Janis Joplin. She commits it to heart and commits her wallet to buying several albums. There's a glow in her chest just at the idea that she could listen to the same songs that Devola does, that she could learn about music that Devola likes. Maybe one day, couldn't she try to sing along with her? Or even sing to her? The very idea makes her light-headed, but maybe it's not impossible. Maybe she can confess someday, maybe she could still win that fairy-tale romance.

Loving Devola, she thinks, is like a fire. The burn and ache of admiration, the simmer of yearning. _I want to be like you, even a little. I want to close the distance between us, I want you to look at me. I want to tell you how I feel._ She hadn’t even been able to confess to 21O before she lost heart, but she’s in high school now. These are the best years of her life to find love, right? This time felt so wonderful and ripe with possibility. This time things would be different.

"2B, I have the perfect idea. Let's do _karaoke_. You've never tried it before, right?"

"I haven't."

"We're high schoolers now, we should go at least once! Or lots of times. Don't worry, I'll pay for drinks and snacks. You don't even have to sing if you don't want to. Just let me know what you think of me when I sing Janis."

"Are you going to sing for her? Devola?"

"W-well, isn't it a nice idea?"

"Maybe."

"Wow, 2B. Are you trying to say I have an awful singing voice? You'll see, you'll all see! What's your favorite song? I'll sing it for you. I saw you buy a CD at that record store. Let me listen to it."

She does, and her eardrums regret it immediately. 2B is apparently inexplicably attracted to noise and metal. "It calms me down," she says, mild as anything, in response to her amazed stare. Her friend really surprises her sometimes.

"Okay, maybe I can't sing this."

"Really?" The hint of 2B's smile is almost amused.

... Actually, she changes her mind. "You know what? Let's go to that karaoke booth right now. I said I'll show you and I will. What's your favorite song on this album? Do your worst!"

It turns out black metal is a lot harder to sing than she'd even imagined. 

But they have fun trying anyway.

"I'm sorry," Devola says, and 6O feels her heart plummet.

It's not because she couldn't read a book or couldn't pronounce french, Devola is quick to reassure her. "It's not you, I promise! I promise. Oh, come here." And before she even has the opportunity to burst into awful tears Devola’s arms are around her in a hug so warm and genuine, her heart is already crying anyway.

She's moving out of the country, Devola says. To America. It's for her future career in music. She knows it'd be unfair to try to maintain a long distance relationship with someone all the way back in Japan. Even so, there's a split second of desperation where 6O wants to plead to try anyway, _we can make it work, we can try, why don't we...?_

But Devola is a bright young talent and 6O is a completely ordinary high schooler who's only just confessed to her. She can't ask Devola to commit to a relationship with someone half a world away. When it comes down to it, despite how much of a fan she is, the truth of the matter is they don't really know each other at all.

Devola strokes a hand over her hair and braids as 6O pathetically tries to hold back tears. "Hey, don't cry. I'm flattered that you like me, I really am." She cups 6O's cheeks in both hands, lifting upwards a bit to coax her to smile. Her own grin is wry but devastatingly, heartbreakingly gorgeous.

"Thanks for liking me. You'll find the perfect girl for you someday, okay? I believe in you."

She wishes she believes in herself.

She doesn't fall in love at first sight in college. She falls slowly, gradually, like a flower opening petals in the morning, until it takes her by surprise and she recognizes the warmth and butterflies in her chest: oh, she's in love again.

“Her name is White,” she sighs over boba, one hand cupped to her cheek. "She's my boss. I know, I know, but she's a great boss. She's an amazing person. I know I'm in botany but, I dunno, sometimes I've been wondering if I should switch majors to journalism."

"Your boss? At your internship?"

"Mhm, the one at the city paper. It's just a summer job, but I think I'm actually picking up a knack for it. Who knows, maybe I could write an article one day. Extra, extra! I'll do the lost pet notices or... how's this for a title? 'Breaking: Area Woman's Beauty Mark is Cute as Heck'." She reaches to boop 2B's chin, beaming. "Sounds newsworthy to me."

2B smiles over her drink.

She and 2B do not go to the same college. 2B studies physiology at a women's college in Kyoto, while 6O had applied to a university closer to the city for their botany program. She'd cried her eyes out during high school graduation, clung to 2B like a barnacle and tearfully promised to keep in touch and stay friends despite the distance. All things considered, she thinks she's succeeded.

They text weekly if not daily, mostly with 6O sending pictures of leaflings and greenhouses or the view from White's office building. They call, or perhaps 6O dials her out of the blue at random times to ramble away about nothing in particular. 2B is more than two hours away by bullet train but they plan meet-ups when their schedules allow. 6O treasures every single one.

"What is it like?"

By now she's almost familiar with the question, and she's talked enough about her job to 2B that she knows 2B isn't asking about the internship. She considers this while nibbling on a tapioca pearl.

She must have grown up. Her university is full of smart and pretty and talented women, but maybe her heart was still hung up on Devola because she never actually felt like dating. And then she'd applied to the city paper and met White. 

Falling in love with White felt like a wave. Like swimming out in an expanse of ocean, clueless, until she could feel the rising water carry her up. Of course she admired her boss, she admired White's sharp sense of style and flawless work ethic and kind but no-nonsense demeanor. The thing is, if she were younger, that much would be all it'd take for her to fall in love.

Now, though? It takes a whole summer of slowly getting to know her. White hovering over her shoulder at her desk while she does spreadsheets, White's pleased smile when praising her for her productivity. White working late into the night even after her subordinates have left. Entering White's scandalously messy office for the first time, seeing coats and ties and even a bra strewn over folders and reports. White only occasionally joins them in nomikai. They were drinking at a local izakaya the first time she saw White laugh, tipsy, at an obscure joke Jackass had made, and there was the familiar swoop in 6O's stomach and that realization again, _oh_. She might actually love this woman, and the feeling swells up in her like a growing wave.

She learns White's favorite flavor of tea and her favorite papers to read over coffee before she learns that she's in love. Something about that is novel. She'd like to believe in love at first sight but by now even she knows it rarely works out like the movies. Falling for your boss is a whole new level of difficulty and yet... she wonders if she's happy enough with this much, for now. _I want to support you, I want to help you. I want to do what I can for you._ If she could lift any burden for her workaholic boss, she would right away.

But despite everything, hope springs eternal. She knows White doesn't have a boyfriend.

"You really haven't fallen in love yet? You're pretty amazing, 2B. I can introduce you to some of my cute classmates, if you'd like."

"No thanks."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Ah... okay. I'm not trying to be pushy, I promise. I just want to make sure you're happy."

"I don't know how to bring this up, but..."

"Hm?"

"Why are we having this conversation in a cat cafe?"

"Why not? You've never visited one before, right?"

"I haven't."

"It's cute, and the bubble tea is good. Oh, remind me we've got to visit the bakery the next block over. They have a pastry shaped like a hedgehog, it's spiky! Let's buy and share one."

"It's spiky?"

"Don't worry, I'll eat the spikes for you if they're too tough for you. And then we'll go to the botanical garden! They have a new rare flower I want to show you, if you think you're up for it."

2B looks a little impressed, she thinks. "You've really planned everything out."

"Of course I have. Today's our little date," 6O winks. "I always put in my all when it comes to you, 2B."

The way 2B glances down is almost shy, if she didn't know better. There's a tabby rubbing against 2B’s calf. She reaches to stroke it fondly behind an ear, and 6O grins.

"We can buy treats to feed them, too."

"... Let's do that."

So they do. In the mess of cats that crawl and mewl at them as they dispense treats, she finds a white short-hair with a black dot on its cheek and excitedly picks it up: "Look 2B, it's you!" And they take about thirty pictures together. 

They're adults now, with all the chaotic college student and city life that entails. She misses those carefree high school days where she'd drag 2B out to karaoke, to hanami during spring, to festivals during summer. But this is something she's realized as the years have passed: there's nothing stopping her from taking 2B out still, just the two of them. Nothing but a two-hour train ride.

"Maybe love isn't in the cards for me," she says.

The snowfall outside her window is blurred somewhat thanks to a good half bottle of sake and a healthy dose of heartbreak.

It's Christmas, a day for lovers. Just a week ago she'd fantasized over spending it with White. She'd planned out almost everything. She bought a cake and meticulously cleaned and decorated her apartment. She knew White was staying in town rather than traveling to visit family, she knew White's schedule almost inside-out. She knew White didn't have a boyfriend and to her knowledge, no plans for the holidays. But the evening she'd mustered up enough courage to crack open White's office door to ask if she might spend Christmas with her—

2B gently lifts the cup of cold sake from her hand and replaces it with the warm ceramic of a teacup instead. "You've had enough alcohol."

"2B, you're too nice." A sniffle. She raises the cup to her lips, catches a taste of tea on her tongue. Jasmine. Her favorite. "You're way too nice to me. Oh, I'm a mess." Another hiccup that threatens to escalate to a sob. "Why do all the cute ones have to be taken?" 

The sight of Jackass kissing White over her paper-strewn desk was practically picture-perfect. The kind of picture she might see on the cover of scandalous romance novels that would make her heart race, but this one left it in shatters instead.

White never said she didn't have a girlfriend.

She knows she's being an embarrassment now. She's heartbroken and half-drunk and she's been crying her eyes out the whole week. She's alone for Christmas... or she would be, if it weren't for 2B hopping on a two-hour train and beelining straight to her apartment and nearly kicking her door in until she'd opened it. And thank god for that because she knows that as much of a mess she is in front of 2B right now, she'd be infinitely more miserable drinking the holidays away without her.

2B mutters something under her breath, almost too low for her to catch. "They're not."

"Eh?"

"I said, they're not." She raises her head to see 2B pouring her own tea, her cheeks rather pink even if she hadn't had any sake. "You're single, after all."

"I know I am," she nearly wails.

"Ah, that's not what I mean—"

It takes half an hour of flustered apologies and cool-down hugs and promises of boba at her favorite cafe before she stops crying. 2B turns the TV to a random station to a holiday musical performance by some american band. 6O sniffles in between bites of tangerine that 2B peels for the both of them as they cuddle under the kotatsu. She's not quite in the mood for Christmas cake.

Watching the band makes her think of Devola, which brings another pang to her heart. She still thinks of her even after all these years, and wonders what she might be doing now. Has her music career taken off? Would her songs play on the radio one day? There are times she finds herself listening to Janis and she remembers that flare of red hair and Devola's cocky smile with nostalgia like an old wound.

But it's possible that time heals after all, slowly, because the cut and pain of that relationship that never came to be has faded somewhat. It was a schoolgirl's infatuation. She loved Devola with nearly devastating intensity back then. It had felt like the end of the world when she moved away, practically taking a piece of her heart with her.

Now years later as an adult, she could recall memories of fawning over Devola and even 21O with something like fondness. Her old loves were in the past. Maybe one day, unbelievable as it seems, her heartache over White would heal too.

"2B, thanks for putting up with me all this time," she mumbles with a cheek half-full of tangerine. Post-heartbreak and half-drunk clarity strikes her like a divine revelation, the realization that the warmth of the girl next to her has always supported her, year after years. "I know I'm a mess, I know I fall in love too easily and end up crying to you like a fool. I, I just wanted to let you know, it means a lot—"

"6O."

"Huh?"

"Look up."

She does. 2B's hand is lifted over their heads, holding a small clipping of a plant with white berries. 6O doesn't need to be a botanist or a romantic to recognize it, but she is, and she does. But before she could ask 2B why or how come she has mistletoe, 2B's other hand is cupping her face and drawing her in and 2B's lips press to hers and...

The kiss lasts for seconds that feel like forever where there's nothing else but the warmth of the kotatsu, the tremble of 2B's fingertips at her cheek, the taste of tea and tangerine on the tip of 2B's tongue.

She's completely speechless when it ends and 2B draws back, red-faced, biting her lower lip the way she does when she's nervous. 

"I'm not very good with words," 2B says, eyes downcast. "So, that's why, I, um," she mutters something that almost sounds like 'pull yourself together', but 6O's pretty certain her ears or eyes or mind isn't quite working properly. 

"I'm not well-read or a musician or the owner of a newspaper. But I love you. I've loved you for a long time. Seeing you reach for love over and over made me wonder if I had the courage to do that too."

"Y-you like... you like _me_?" 

"Yes."

"But I," her mind races. "I don't even..." Her mind reels. 

2B has been her oldest and closest friend for so long. She knows 2B's favorite novelty candies, her fondness for neko atsume, her favored fighting game characters even when she’s frankly bad at fighting games. She knows her the most out of anyone in the world and 2B knows the same of her, or so she thought. But she didn't know this. Her mind stutters through processing this, like a buffering video.

"I don't even know what kind of girl you like," she says, almost panicked. There's no favorite book to read, no intern work to do, no music to get into—unless, does ambient metal count? No, really, how could she win 2B's heart? She knows 2B inside and out but she has no clue what to do now, what she possibly could do to make 2B like her—

2B's hand finds hers in a loose grip, quiet, as she laces their fingers together.

"I like you," she repeats, unwavering blue of her eyes locking onto hers. "I love you. You don't have to change a thing. I love you exactly the way you are."

She barely understands what this means.

But this time she kisses 2B back.

"Do you remember when I asked you what love is like? I've thought about it for years. I think I can answer it now.

My love is like a flower. One that's hard to grow, like the orchid you told me about. If I'm like a flower, you're like the sun. You're so bright, just being close to you warmed me. I admired you and how you always reached for love. But I thought I was fine as long as I could stay and be close to you. If I could read with you, listen to music with you, go anywhere with you... I wanted to believe that was enough.

My love is knowing I just wanted you to be happy. Even when you fell for someone else, I told myself I would be okay as long as you love them. I thought I could support you, even though I wanted you to be mine. But it hurts seeing you get your heart broken over and over...

I promise I'll make you happy, so is it okay for me to love you instead?"

"Okay," she says.

On new year's eve, 2B brings her flowers.

**Author's Note:**

> i made lil playlists for 2b6o too! i apologize for HCing 2b like this (maybe)  
> \- 6o: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLs6QXBE5i_fo004Z--DmQOuEDN5VnRw-Q  
> \- 2b: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLs6QXBE5i_fo0h7fgffz7vVgim4XzqMnU


End file.
